A Couple of Items

Jeff: “Hi, please have a seat. I’d like to talk with you about a few items that have come to my attention. 1. You do not enjoy when I trample through your sunflower garden. Yes, I see it on your face. You hate it. I’d like to say that before it was a sunflower garden, it was where I freely pranced and sometimes chose to defecate. I hope you understand my missteps. 2. I like to patrol the yard. It’s what I do. Part of my job is to monitor the back fence and scare off possible intruders. Your yelling at me to stop this activity is asinine. Everything I do, I do for you. You feed me and house me and buy the BBQ-flavored Nylabones I lose myself in. Btw, I love that corn-on-the-cob number in my current bone rotation. 3. Please turn your alarm clock volume down a couple notches. Not all of us in the house need to rise and shine so early. You are dismissed.”